Advice for LGBT People

If you are visiting this website it is probably because you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and are or think you may be experiencing domestic abuse. You may also be a friend, relative or colleague of a LGBT person and you are concerned about their relationship with their partner.

If you think you are experiencing domestic abuse, then you have made your first big step to getting help. This website will give you nformation from identifying domestic abuse to what to do in a crisis.


Domestic abuse affects 1 in 4 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Domestic abuse affects 1 in 4 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. You do not deserve to be abused and you can get help.

Before exploring the site further you should read our article on web safety if you don’t want your partner to know that you have been using the internet. There is also a HIDE ME! button on every page which you can click if you need to leave the site quickly.


Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling behaviours carried out by a partner or ex-partner to cause physical, emotional or mental harm:

  • physical abuse (assault and physical attack involving a range of behaviours)
  • sexual abuse (acts which degrade and humiliate and are perpetrated against the person’s will, including rape), and
  • mental and emotional abuse (such as threats, verbal abuse, racial abuse, homophobic/biphobic/transhopbic abuse, withholding money and other types of controlling behaviour such as ‘outing’ or the threat of ‘outing’ or isolation from family and friends).

Domestic abuse is not simply about physical violence. It can take many forms, often over a long period of time, and has a profound impact upon a person's physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.


Sometimes it is difficult to know whether or not you are experiencing domestic abuse.

Often an abusive partner will make excuses for their actions and even blame you for their behaviour. They may also make light of the abuse or tell you that this is what it is like to be in a LGBT relationship leaving you feeling confused. This is how they want you to feel. You never deserve to be abused and you are never to blame for the abuse.

Domestic abuse is rarely discussed in the LGBT community, and you may not have thought that it happens in LGBT couples.

What follows is a list of some of the behaviours abusers may use. Abusers can find many different ways to control you, and you may experience something which is not listed here. This may still be domestic abuse.

Signs of domestic abuse

Ask yourself some of the following questions. You may experience one or all of them and even if you feel you only experience one on a regular basis this can still be domestic abuse and you can get help.

  • Are you ever afraid of your partner?
  • Do you feel like you’re walking on egg shells around your partner?
  • Does your partner ever threaten to ‘out’ you to your friends, family or colleagues?
  • Do they act in a negative way about your sexual orientation or gender identity?
  • Do they ever tell you you’re not a real lesbian, gay or bisexual person?
  • Do they ever tell you you’re not a real man or woman?
  • Do they ever hit you or threaten to hit you?
  • Do they ridicule you and/or make comments about your body?
  • Are you ever forced to have sex or engage in sexual acts that you don’t want to do?
  • Do they ever prevent you from engaging with the LGBT ‘scene’?
  • Do they control your finances or check up on what you spend your money on?