I feel like a lot of people don’t understand bisexuality and what it means to be bi. People often doubt it and because of that people doubt their own sexuality as well. Some people in society doubt that bisexuality is real and I believe this is a result of their lack of understanding of it.
I sometimes feel like I have to prove my sexuality to other people. My friend is gay and his partner told me that it [my bisexuality] would pass and I’ll be gay in the end. Maybe that is his experience and could be that of some other people that they end up realising they’re gay, but that is not my experience. It is not right to assume that is the case with bisexuality as it often isn’t.
I think it was in second year at school. I had a friend who I felt close to. I knew I liked girls until that point but I started to have feelings for him as well. I guess he was my first male crush. No one knew I was bi then and I didn’t either. I was just figuring it out. I told him that I was bi after I discovered the term but I didn’t tell him I had the feelings for him. He freaked out and that scared me a bit as that was the first time I had heard of or seen a negative response to bisexuality, thus making me feel uncomfortable. His reaction was quite negative and I had only just learned about bisexuality and identified with it very easily. This encounter affected our friendship.
"After that, I ignored the feelings and tried to supress them."
After that, I ignored the feelings and tried to supress them. Upon reflection I realise that was the wrong thing to do and I should have spoken to someone about it. I felt like they went away a bit but not completely- it was still lingering in the background. When 4th year arrived, these feelings came back and it was a lot stronger. I had feelings for a gay guy in my drama class in early 5th year and that was when I first came out to my friends that I was bisexual.
Another thing that made me uncomfortable was there was a boy that bullied me in 3rd and 4th year. He called me “gay boy” and that didn’t help because that was when I was still figuring it out and coming to terms with these feelings. I wasn’t gay and I wasn’t straight. I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I was straight or gay because that wasn’t true.
It took a while to tell my dad- I knew he would be fine with it because he has a few gay friends, but that didn’t make it easier. I feel that coming out is difficult because there are a lot of people in society who have mixed views on sexuality and it is hard to tell who is going to react positively and who isn’t. I have seen cases where people have come out to their family and have had a strong negative reaction that led to their relationship with family members being affected. I eventually told my Dad. As well as a prominent sense of relief of coming out, I felt a sense of disappointment about the fact that it was necessary to do so. I also told my friends at college (I left school at the end of 5th), where I went to study music.
"I think there are a lot of myths regarding bisexuality."
I first came out to two of my closest female friends at school over text message. It is still very clear in my mind where I was at that point as it was a scary thing to do. I felt like the blood was draining from my legs and I wouldn’t be able to stand up if I tried. I got positive reactions from both of them which was very comforting for me.
I recently posted a video on youtube about my sexuality. At work one evening, I was talking to a friend/colleague who knew the person who told me that I would ‘eventually’ be gay. It had been on my mind all evening and I was getting tired of thinking about it. It was late at night and I just started recording me speaking about sexuality. I wanted to inform people about bisexuality (and get it off my mind so I could go to sleep). I shared the video to facebook and I got a lot of positive feedback about what I said in the video from my friends and family. This was the first time I came out to my family including my mum who watched the video at 2am. I believe she was the first one to watch it and shortly after she showed it to my Stepdad who hasn’t had anything to say about it.
I think there are a lot of myths regarding bisexuality. People sometimes ask bisexuals things like ‘which gender do you prefer?’ and other rather rude/pointless questions. I have actually even asked a friend that very question and on reflection, I see that that is not a good question to ask. It is not about what gender I prefer overall, but who I like more at the time. It might happen to be someone of the same gender or someone of the opposite gender.
I found out about bisexuality in sex education class in school. It wasn’t spoken about much, just really ‘here is a thing called bisexuality and this is what it is’ and that was it. I remember feeling excited in a way because I identified with it but didn’t know what those feelings I had were and then I found out that there was a label for it. I felt very comfortable then when I found out about that term as if the fog had cleared. The tune “I can see clearly now, the rain has gone” springs to mind and that’s how I felt at that moment.
One thing that annoyed me slightly when ‘gay marriage’ was equalised- the fact that they called it gay marriage rather than same-sex marriage or just marriage. It excludes bisexuals, pansexuals, and everyone else and implies that two people of the same gender who are not gay cannot marry which is simply not the case and should never have been.
I didn’t meet anyone else who was openly bi until college. On meeting someone who is bisexual as well, I tend to feel excited.
I have a friend who is bi and she is a musician. We are best friends. We both have an understanding of and acceptance of bisexuality.
Being around bisexuals makes me feel more comfortable with it sometimes. I know they’re not going to misinterpret it and they understand it so I don’t have to explain it to them. I am the kind of person who likes to make observations about other people- so having a friend that I can say both ‘he’s hot’ and ‘she’s hot’ as well is cool. I like that because I know I don’t have to worry.
I have a group of LGBT friends in college and I’m comfortable around these people and my closest straight friends too because we all understand our feelings towards other people and I can be myself around them. Crushes often become a subject of conversation among the group so it’s good to be able to talk about both genders openly.
What would I like to see?
More information about bisexuality- case studies like this- because it shows other people’s experiences of bisexuality and others might be able to relate to it.
More people- like celebrities- talking about bisexuality as well. As celebrities are more visible it would be good to see them talk more and be more public about their sexuality and it would help others who are having a tough time figuring out their sexuality realise that it is OK to be bi, gay, etc.
Have a heavier focus on sexuality in sex education lessons in schools- Although sexuality was touched on at school, I didn’t learn a lot about it and I feel I ought to have been taught more about bisexuality, homosexuality and all the others. All my current knowledge of sexuality has been gained through my own research and I still have a lot to learn.
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